Walter thanks for posting this. It boggles my mind too how many people attempt to connect by stating their a "friend" when they clearly know we have never met. I appreciate you're laying out your response tree. I must admit, of-late, I've just not looked at those invitations. You've repositioned my thoughts to at least give them a chance. Thanks again for putting it out there.

I have a very similar response. When I receive a request from someone I don't recognize I usually respond with something like:

John,

I apologize for asking but how do we know one another?

Steve

The people who are just "collecting" connections generally won't take the time to respond. These typically are the same people you see stalking people at networking events and handing out and collecting business cards like there might be a prize at the end of the night.

The more "forceful networkers" will often respond but indicate they are doing just that, trying to force a connection with me because they see a fit between our two companies or somehow see how I can help them. I generally respond to those with something similar to your response:

I only accept requests from people I know, have done business with and can personally vouch for. I am sure you can understand. If you're still interested in connecting with me, I'd be happy to get to know you on Facebook first.

Most rarely do they take me up on that.

I train a lot people on building their network the right way and LinkedIn comes up a lot! I always remind people that when you blindly accept requests from people you don't just open yourself up to these people but you open up all the other people you're connected to as well. It's easy for someone to contact Bob Smith and say something like: Steve and I are connected on LinkedIn and he thought we should know one another.

The networking vampires love to suck the life out of a lot of relationships and do a lot of damage without you ever knowing about. Hence why I don't typically accept blind requests. Etiquette or no etiquette, my network is only as valuable as my ability to preserve and protect it. So I carry a garlic necklace and hit ignore a lot.

Ripple On!!!

Thanks for posting this Walter:
There are a number of Groups on Linkedin, such as Open Networker, where membership in the Group is based on the prmise, "all invites welcome". Those who do not share this approach, are not obligated to respond to or acknowledge an invite, and when I first joined Linkedin, was also one of those naive enough to think people who shared a connection with you, Alumni, etc, would not have a problem connecting. 1809 connections later, I know better, and at least you do respond to some people.

Noah, UT Class of 1987.

I don't have a firm rule about these types of requests - I usually go with a gut instinct, especially if the visitor's profile indicates (s)he is from the same industry.

Unfortunately LinkedIn is attracting people who create accounts for the purpose of spamming their connections with "hey, check out this video" dreck. (Or similar stuff.) I've made the mistake about three times thus far.

Another hint is whether the visitor has a REALLY small list of existing connections. (Usually <10.)

By all means use Walter's gentle approach.

Hi Walter,
thanks for sharing your experience and frustration(?) with some LinkedIn users. What you do is exactly what I always do. Also, as a rule, when I'm sending an invitation to connect with someone I ALWAYS delete the default wording and write a short personalized message to help the receiver recall how we know each other (I do this even if he/she is one of my lifetime friends!).
Cheers,
Carlos

Walter,

A great approach, although it can be time-consuming. It seems that the person requesting the connection should spend 5 minutes to delete the standard language and write a few sentences about the request. It definitely would help.

Thanks for highlighting this!

Jon